How to Live With Someone Who Likes Clutter

Plan Ahead

• The earlier on in a relationship you discuss your housekeeping philosophies, the better. By negotiating household chores and expectations ahead of time, you can avoid some of the frustration that comes with incompatible personal styles. Discuss the matter calmly; don't let emotion creep into things or a simple conversation may turn into an unproductive fight. Explain your position and listen thoughtfully to the other person's. Try to compromise on less important things and find common ground.

Do It Yourself

• In some cases, it may be easier to clean up the clutter yourself than to fight about it. A person who likes clutter doesn't feel that a messy house is a problem. Trying to force them to tidy things may just breed resentment and bitterness. In such a case, since you are the one who feels that there is a problem, it makes sense for you to deal with the issue. If you decide to take this approach, be respectful of the other person's belongings. Ask permission before moving or disposing of things.

Hide It Away

• One method of negotiation is to designate "clutter zones," or places where the person who likes clutter is free to let that inclination run wild, out of your sight. Clutter zones should be in private spaces like bedrooms, studies or even a car. It's fair to insist on tidy housekeeping in shared areas, such as the kitchen and living room. If a mess starts to accumulate in these areas, it's easy enough to pick it up and move it to one of the clutter zones.

Hire Some Help

• When finances permit, hiring some cleaning help is an excellent method for dealing with the tensions that arise from incompatible housekeeping philosophies. If the person who likes clutter doesn't feel that he should have to clean up, and the person who likes neatness resents having to pick up the other's mess, letting someone else do it is a logical solution. Cleaning services range from sole proprietorships to nationwide chains, with a wide range of price structures.